poem #9: always and never

i realized the other night,

that i am still in love with you...

...subconsciously

no matter whose heart shape i trace

or who manages to nuzzle into mine...

in dream time...

my love is yours

the way we fit

[in my dreams]

is the way we fit, then...

and in spite of the reality

that is my awake state

of not wanting you

or needing you

...in my dreams

you're ever present

and a calm to my chaos

my left finger

is always weighted with your promise

and in my slumber...

i hunger to bear your seeds

and i've even dreamed that

you've saved me...

called my name,

as i lay dying in suspended time,

and i woke right up

heart beating

with memories of your hand in mine

why it is that

in the day's light

i'm immune to you

is beyond conscious reason that

i still manage to traipse through

painted dream scenes

with you and mostly you

i realize,

that maybe i'm just in love with nostalgia

and in my dreams...

you're on constant rewind

in a time

where you were all i knew

and now that my eyes are open

 i can't un-see

the unworthiness of you

the way you'll always do what you do

so, i dream you

in perfect state

far better than the truth

which i shake loose

when i awake and remember,

i can never love you again

© 2011 Kween Kiwi