coffee black, no sugar

coffee and thoughts

jelly and tears

buttered memories

breakfast alone...slow and painful bites

melancholy set...

timed not to sulk to a crisp

watching tv...or it's watching me

can't tell at all

hoped to share a cup once

kisses and sips

making a memory or two

breakfast...me and you

guess i'll sip and think

nosh and sniffle

forget what went wrong

watch TV alone

doze and wake obliviously
try and write
my pen looming over paper
threatening to compose...i suppose

cold coffee
stiff spoon
cold morning
it's past noon
and all i can think...
against the spoon's clink
was that you were once here
and the coffee was brewing
the scent was inviting
my longing for morning love
gone with the steam off my cup
i ain't hungry,
you're eating elsewhere
and i'm stuck
with a cup of coffee...
black...no sugar.

breaking up with heartbreak

i should
be used to heartbreak by now...
my invisible friend
clingy,
needing my full attention
unwilling to share me
with Love's affectionate promise
heartbreak
stalking me...
peeking into my windows
pained by the smile in my eyes
thinking of ways
to interrupt the scene
hating it's not "him"
wishing there wasn't anyone
BUT him...
why,
why wont heartbreak
give me space?
accept that
we're incompatible
and that i lose myself
when he embraces me,
swallowing me in the
dark swill of emotions...
i cringe at his touch
and shrink under his glare
heartbreak...
this will NOT work!
heartbreak,
can be so selfish
disregarding of my time
heartbreak,
can be controlling
needing downright
copyrights
to my soul
he invades my space
alienates me from my friends
pits me against Love
with whispers
of instigating lies
distorted for the perverse pleasure....
of stopping my heart
objecting
and insinuating we're a couple
lying to my suitors
that i am taken...
i need heartbreak,
to understand
i am love
i cannot b r e a t h e
without it...
Love and i WILL marry
and no amount
of histrionics
and flagrant dramatics
will cease what is divinely mine
Love wants to wrap me
in eternity,
reflect  me
in the very image,
that is His...
encircle me with more
than my earthly mind
and spiritual heart
could dare forge
in a dream or a vision
it is over heartbreak,
"you were never good for me...
i was never good for you..."
'til we meet again...
let's not.

[focus]

the unfocused focus
of the desperate need
to focus on something
anything,
other than self
is a crafty effort
to deflect from
what one lacks introspectively
attempting projection
onto external entities
to seek their validity

never is so much focus
required to fulfill
a myriad of needs
not already embodied
by self
than with someone
unwilling to peer within
and mend the inner fractures
unhealed
unsealed
not revealed
even to themselves

as long as the energy
...that precious life source
uniquely bestowed
to one soul...
is being dispersed
and left behind
in jagged pieces
to temporarily satiate
and medicate
the aches of loneliness
and fleshly needs
you can never be whole...
no lover will EVER hold you...
no kiss will lovingly linger...
you will never be king to "her"...

the exhaustion alone
will topple your throne...
when the bodies are gone
and the sensation has numbed
what is left
is what at best
can be described...
as YOU...
still blurry
from the scurries of distraction
leaving you listless
from emotional inaction

[focus] on that....

ms. truth

truth is smoooove chillin'...
she's sitting,
patiently
confidently
backbone aligned with the sky
eyes crystal clear
with a deliberate stare...
she sees them...
the manipulations
excuses,
omissions
and side dissin'
all trying to mask as her
but can't bask in her...
just ask her.
she's naked
free of cover
no shame in her name
confrontational at times
at times,
simply part of the art's frame...
there isn't anything she fears
nothing
she couldn't face
it's
all UP in her DNA
to be the realest one in the place
don't make her up
talk her up
she needs no co-signers
no crafty one-liners...
when everyone
and everything
melts away
flakes off like gold fill
ms. truth struts in
wearing Karma's heels...
she doesn't boast
or begin to trip,
she doesn't get emotional
or skittish...
she sits down,
crosses her legs
and speaks...
and when she does
the drama begins to cease...
the wake calms
and becomes placidly still
while ms. truth
bends the room to her will
and as they absorb
the consciousness
and perfection
she stands for
ms. truth...
badder than a beautiful lie
the idea of it
"what had happened"
or imitation of life...
you may want to get to know her
and everything that AIN'T her
just respect her gangsta...

recall

i'm walking...
a remembered path of passion
lit with faint pitches of woo
...long kisses between two
i recall,
the puppy love
that grew full on canines
before it was through
once a splendid escape
of whispered winks
and finger traces...
the phantom caresses
of his young tongue
across new bosoms
growing pangs
the broken seal
of a deflowering
took on the face of shame
denial dressed formally
as a concern for viewing eyes...
before long...
the feeling of love
had withered away
the petals of naivete
drifting on the cold winds
of chilled heat...

i recall,
the may-december love
of a grip too tight...
a toxic drink,
of brute strength and spite
once believed,
to be the one
enduring and pure
but left me needing more
how chivalrous he was,
protective and gallant...
even though
his sword was often drawn
without cause
and paranoia grew taller
with claws...
and my heart would thump
then pause...
every time
he entered
the room
when the end tip-toed toward us
i can remember exhaling
heaving sighs
of grief-filled tears
a caged bird
afraid of flight...

i recall,
the intangible love
of echoed beats
and cemented feet
love reverberating past cell lines
that never manifested past his lines
my northern chill
to his southern heat...
*singing*
"first...time, i saw your face
my heart just erased
every guy
i
knew
be...
fore you..."
and instantly
my poetry was conceived
to be lyrics,
to his musical keys
and i became,
keys...
yet,
he had a flock of fans
and he himself
was a fan of ladies
him singing in their ear,
his intentions
wearing winged shoes
tapping on heart strings
~sigh~
eventually...
the notes became muted
the pen dried
and we waved bye...

i am recalling,
the love
the falling...
the bawling
the crawling
for forgiveness
second chances
and best wishes...
the ones,
that weren't the one
the tender flavor
of new love
the hunger for
fulfilled and hopeful days
that never came
...all i want to call to my heart
is love,
that lasts beyond the novelty
that casts out frivolity
and small things
given power
to be mountainous
i want to call to me...
the spirit of oneness
with one particular one
with whom i can
recall and
reminisce and
retell the tale of love
with over and over...
i don't want to recall another thing...
except maybe...the beginning of a lifelong love

more than

i love you more than
the stretch of my arms
or the capacity of a human heart
or even...
the span of an angel's wings
i love you more than
my mind's scope
or my soul's hope
more than the furthest reach
of the longest rope
i love...
more than love can be defined
more than the infinite
space of time
more than a sky's height
or an Alaskan night
more than
and fiercer than
and greater than
a lioness' fight
and even then
its rougher than
but easier than
a kayo on fight night
that is
how...
i love you
the stretch of imagination
and a dream's escalation
the force and pull
of a planetary rotation
with showers of fire
and atmospheric changes
resulting in novas
and supernovas
of super loving explosions
*catching breath*
is a mere display of
how
much
i love you...
you...have...NO...clue
that i love you
more than the shells that hold us
and the experiences
and life
thats taken hold of us
more than the eons
that separate our past lives
more than
all the love stories ever scribed
more than
the heaving cries
of broken hearts
or
stuttering mouths
in awe of art
more than the echoing pains
of a child's birth
more than
the heat contained
at the core of the earth
when i say,
i love you...
know that
its more than
even "I" know...

love notes

you ever hear a song...
drawn to it's title
reaffirmed by it's lyrics
wanting to share it,
but afraid
that if you do...
that one set of ears will think,
it's them to which you dedicate it?...
a musical ode
with perfect words
you could've composed yourself,
as if they'd be wrong..
when they wouldn't be
at all...
i saw a song,
i'd never heard
drawn by it's title
to which mimicked
the exact sentiment
that echoed my heart...
and as i listened,
intently to softly tickled
piano keys
playing back up harmony
to a voice
with delicate vibrato
my heart stilled...
because,
i heard a line,
that seemed like
it was plagiarized
from the story of my heart
and i felt chills...
that this song
i'd never heard,
entitled just for me...
plucking free my feelings
from strings and love
that,
what i want
just may be mine to have...
but,
it's just a song, right?
not possible
that the lyrical arrangement
was arranged for me,
to one day hear
and feel the message
crystal clear...
that in the conception,
of this art
the purpose
was deeply hidden,
to be a "message in a bottle"
set to throttle me
mid-night
mid-cry
mid-bye...
i don't know
i didn't mean
to get deep...
i guess that song...
those lyrics...
just wrote love notes
all over me,
and i just want to
hit repeat

[sigh]

[sigh]
high anxiety sets in,
shoulders tense
head down,
worries up...
my attempts to smooth away
the kinks in my neck,
fall short...
my fingertips
not long enough to
trail my spine's length
i'm in heat
skin overly sensitive
to flashing thoughts
hands cupping,
kneading and needing...
wantonly wanting...
receiving nothing
[sigh]
performing moments
that haven't happened,
reliving the ones
too faded
to satisfy the urgent stirring...
falling in and out of love
with the imagined touches
and the deep thrusts
someone pushing me
over the edge of my ecstasy
past the point i can't see...
[sigh]
it ain't enough...
what is keeping me up
past dawn
has little to do
with the cold side of the bed
and everything to do
with the warmest part of my heart...
i yen for soul mate zen
the center of me
created to be
half of love's pinnacle
is restless...
[sigh]
it's like,
the closer a presence nears...
the louder the "silence" becomes
the tingling,
vibrates highly
almost void of sound
or human exposition
a sign of impending arrival...
it's like,
your spirit's tuning fork
quivers...
[sigh]
he's coming,
and the sensors
located at the base of my spine,
nape of my neck,
center of my cleave,
the circumference of my navel...
is sensitive
to rawness
and all i can do is...
[sigh]

heart condition

the absence of love

doesn't always breed desperation

the separation from love

at times conditions...

prepares a void

to be refilled

by the One who

garners our implicit faith...

plainly,

i learn to live

with just the blessing to give

that He may,

take his holy ewer

and fill me up again...

humans,

don't make it easy...

oh, do they complicate 

the simplest...

selfishly inflicting their right to be

on me

i abhor the cliched reply

that,

"i am...who i am"

when the truth is

that you are who He's made you to be

someone capable
of living purposefully

...beyond your surface vision
of self and ego

there lives the reflection

of that beautiful image

He created diligently...

at any time,

your power to ignite 

the fires of agape love

can spark and change your immediate world

the things you want to renovate

will tumble down

when you supplicate

and then rise like a building

as a new line in the sky...

who you are
is who you choose to be

maybe it's who you are...

to safely hide the sensitivities

and to justify the inability

to trust you... and not so much me.

and so the beat goes on...

that i'm loving humans

to the point of emptiness,
until i lean...

head back...

eyes closed...

mouth open...

to receive the love He spills into me

and that there,

isn't a thing i can explain...

not the why i do it,

not the why "they"
don't always reciprocate

just the truth,

that His vessel,

feeds my vessel,

and i, in turn feed yours...

and if more of us fed love
to the unloved,
and...put down our cups

and picked up our ladles...

no one may ever feel like,

in order to deal with absence of love...

they had to condition themselves to do without it

writing my way through...two

this is redundant

damnit,

this longing

to scribe...

looking intensely

for the right vibe,

playing music

and reading...

reminiscing on when

words came easy

damn,

i just want to write...

is the thing i scream silently,

so what is it?

why do i get stuck in prose

looking for a poem?

why do i find myself,

free-styling stanzas

of vexation

to force OUT of me

what used to flow like

fountain springs?

i've been doing inventory

drinking up what drops fall

as liquid incentive...

yet i ache at the stillness

is it me?

am i changing?

...is what i ask,

has my muse

left to bring blissful whispers

of worded pleasures

to another?

[whore]

is my time up and over?

have i squandered

my poetic account?

or am i a lifetime member

of the torture and ecstasy

that comes with the artistry?

or have i become too used to the enstasy

...spending too much time

inside my mind,

rummaging through

experiences of old,

instead of creating

new slide shows

and new tides to row...

even though,

i do feel it...a little

that purge pushing past

smoke screens

and veils of veiled attempts

to ignore the tickling

at the base of my spine...

and if i had to be honest,

i'm may be in denial...

that what begs to be written,

ain't what i want to be scribbling...

hiding out in this question

when the answer,

lies barefaced

with glaring eyes...

that i need to quit trying to make it

bend to me

knowing i'm it's slave...

and not the other way around

damnit...

i knew when i started asking,

two entries ago...

that i was rebelling

with my sun's stubbornness

my rising's detachment

and my moon's oblivion...

against the truth...

the truth...

and it's naked ways

beseeching me to see it,

causing blush...all the same

and now,

i'm sitting on the fence

pen ready and unsteady

afraid to see what's left

when the ink dries

blinking blankly

at the reveal...

throwing back the comfort

from what i've tried to conceal

[deep swallow]

i suppose if i obey it

give way to it

and sway with it,

that i'll unblock the passage

and my spirit will stop shimmying

and my head will quit spinning

and my heart will stop seizing...

if i'd only give my muse a reason

to return again...

to write my way through, this too

so, now

i guess i owe y'all a damn poem...

about love...

writing my way through

i've had it!
i've meditated
been silent
observed life,
grasping at my own
desperate
need of inspiration...
i long...
SO much,
to create...
to give an offering
of prose
to use my gift
to lift
to release something
ANY thing,
into the world...
i feel choked.
it's like,
i have nothing to say
nothing to show for
this mind i mind...
this heart i love
the things i see...
i feel less than a poet
lately,
like it's too hard to be a "bard"
and too banal an existence
at the same time...
because,
"everyone's doing it"
and if any person
can scribble, loop, dot...
then, why can i NOT?
maybe it's that thing...
that thing,
that happens to me
having been the square
to the round hole
since i could remember,
perhaps i dismember myself...
detach and unchain myself
from the growing number
of poetic hummers...
always the one to twirl,
counter to their clockwise
and paint around the image
instead of in it...
i've become bored?
oh no...
that's not allowed...
this writing?
this IS me.
i can't get stuck
with no words
speechless...
spoken words...quieted
written words...stilled
i have GOT to dig deep!
i have to awaken from this sleep...
if i have to chant this rant...
that i must give forth
love from the source...
in order to keep in sight
that there's a soul,
reading,
water welled in their eyes
as something I have birthed
kisses them gently...
that's what i will do!
so...
no,
i've gotta keep writing my way through.
i can't fade into the minutiae of it all...
or get mired into this momentary fall,
my pen must win!
this gift given me
will not go un-praised...
it will not go to waste...
i will write,
my way through...if not for me...
for you...

climb to fall

in the midst of
scaling the heights
of love's tower
and touting it's
power
at some point
into acclimation
one's purpose
for escalation
can become lost
too high of an altitude
can bring about
gasps...
short breaths
from thin air
a cold
so brisk
that it seeps
deeply
past protective gear
raised chills
that burn from pain...
with the claws of cold
a companion of void
settles...
a loud cognizance of one's place
amid nothing,
seeks attention
how, now...does the climb
still hold substance?
whilst looking
for evidence
of love's stretch...
how does one
defeat the demon
of whispered solitude?
the heated impetus
set to give hope to the hopeless
crystallizing...
seizing and freezing out
the belief
that love lies
atop a mountain of obstacles
waiting to be validated...
snuffed out,
by the ascension of
a hurried sense to feed
a worried and dense need...
what occurs...
in the midst of
this sojourn
for love's pinnacle...
is a tinge of deliberation
to loosen the secured fasts
and just fall...
descend with the speed of doubt
more breath stolen
the heart,
imploding from the pressure...
the heart,
beating so fast
that it stills...
flailing and falling
...the end
surely to be met
with spiritual death
no longer adept
in the heights and depth
of love and it's armored vest...
how about,
this daredevil...
repel from the top
and stop.
...why even dare to care?
what will the world have lost,
if i chose to sit
indian style...
at the base of cynicism
and bitter regret
and let the waters
of wasted emotion
drown my champion?
why should i fight to climb?
when it seems...
everyone else
pays love no mind

fall in love with me

fall in love with me

my whole self

not fragments

broken into the

most palatable...

eat me up!

love the crumb of me

the sum of me

the hum

beneath the surface of me

fall IN love with me

my sensitivity

my desire for

your exclusivity

the divine

and incomparable

God in me

fall in love...deeply

with ME

the attitude

that i sometimes can't adjust

the once in a full moon

over the top lust

the more than usual need to bust...~whew~

my need to be right

even when i'm wrong

the moments

when i just need

to be left alone

love ALL of me

fall in LOVE with me

don't recoil from what i can teach

don't flinch at how deep i can reach

don't ice down your heat for me

your fear to be seen

being crazy in love with me...

fall in love, baby

the way i would with you

in love with your truth

not the scripted

and prompted you

i love the you

that's meant for

God, you and your Ruth...

fall in love with me

the one whose love encompasses

vows written

and love unspoken

that touches on notions

and dormant dreams awoken

the one who with pride

your chest puffs than rises

as your "single' knot unties

fall in love

not stumble

or trip

for it's a misconception

that those falling in love

hit pavement with a split

it's a voluntary

RECLINE

back into the arms

of a true love's hold

not some plunge to death

not a nude dive into cold...

fall in love with me...

and i promise...to catch you

right now

right now...
i could use
a manly chest
to rest
my head upon
masculinity refined
in pecs set perfectly
to fit the curve of my neck
to lie securely into...
nestling within,
the valleys of definition
a catch-all for tears
or licks
or inhales of his scent
cosseting my spirit
allaying my mind's pace
to give way
to the gate of astral space
like lavender...
giving me calm
in his arms...
i am overdue
for a man of mine
to be the one
whose frame
tames my senses...
him...
making it okay
to be less than superwoman
and more than a burden...
that one,
giving me permission
by way of kisses
placed sweetly
on my third eye...
locking into the sight
of a man
unafraid of my need...
needing to be
the strength
to my fairer sex...
needing to be
the one I run to
come to...
become love to...
right now,
i could lie quietly
as the ticks of his heart
thump in rhythmic tune
to my soul's instrumental song
giving me everything
i need in a moment's moment...
in that minute
in a life's day
right now,
if he laid beside me
my heaviness
would lighten...
as soon as he offered me his body...
a tap on his firmness
a sign to say
"yes bae...
...i'm here"
and i could cry
or sigh
or lie still until his
physical lullaby
took me over
...i need him
right now...

the day...the truth

the bright of day

nudged

through morning's darkest hour

forcing my lids to part...

blink and focus

bringing the shadows into form,

lit and clear...

once again

i am awake...

too early to rise

too late to fall back to sleep
too in the know

to ever be blind and dumb again

the vision seen

cannot be unseen

forgotten

or spun into gold

...instead,

it is molded

and ornately designed

to be worn as a reminder

...a bauble of testimony

to the day's newness

to the sun's brilliance in truth

to the unveiling of wakefulness

and it's stark forcefulness

through the night's cradling

i felt cozy...

snug against the

night's quilted comfort

an assent

to yawns of indifference

dreams of escapism

the warmth of my bed

made

and then rustled

fraught with thoughts

of fought intuition

...sought answers

come to fruition

yet,

just like a frail child

preferring pretend

to the present...

when the answers

shine through the twinkling of

an evening's notion,

i beg for shade

for sheets to cover

to block truth's rays

praying for more time

just TEN more minutes

to snooze

resenting the day's

encroaching influence

of the illuminated reality,

and it's gleaming immovability...

i want to roll over

go back to sleep,

pretend this light

is a lucid dream of distortion

and be ignorant to the day

for once...

i want to "sleep in"

...and not deal with what

ALWAYS seems to be

a disruption in my rest

the truth of what it is

instead of what i thought...

what i hoped...

what i needed it to be

...that dozing

half-sleep

sweet unconsciousness

that comes before morning...

BEFORE the truth...rises with the sun

...before i'm rudely awakened

ripped from my sleep

by the bright of the day

imagining His image

as i amble along

working my way home

from work

i give my Father's nature...

nods and smiles

and thoughts...

i wonder,

if my movements

mock His...

traversing over

sidewalks of slate...

old,

from weathering

and the weight of the world...

blades of grass

and victorious weeds

peeking through cracks

mountains to the tiny?

hills to climb?

i imagine,

that i am to ants

what He is to me...

and that my feet

create shifts

in the atmosphere's heat...

torrential winds...

drips from condensation

from my carbonated libation

a cloud of rain

for the microscopic terrain?

my steps...seismic?

them holding on for dear life

scrambling for cover

as my left foot hovers...

then i get visions

i picture,

God swirling His finger,

like a teaspoon in a cup

and then think on cyclones

[oz or bust]

wading in His water...

tsunamis...hurricanes?

i feel so small,

but so large, in the same...

can you see Him?

kicked back,

relaxing...gazing on the heavens

propped up on His elbows...

did He just make...

craters?

His being's impression

a succession of valleys?

a spilled drink

a river...rapidly streaming?

all the way home...

i gander downward

measuring my steps

casted over "my domain"

and again...

i wonder

and as i become aware,

i suddenly begin to care

and step cautiously

over delicate dusty mounds

low grass where butterflies abound

what looks like clovers

to you and me...

seem like stretches

of forests with tropical trees...

and i nod

and smile

remember my place

as i take

each

gingerly

step

home

with God's grace

i pray

that His stroll across the skies

are as merciful on you and i

and that each motion

of His hand,

is casting favorable weather

onto our land

so...

as i amble along

i praise Him

with my love of

every surrounding thing

i proceed like lives depend on me...

and imagine

the "little ones"

are thanking the Him in me

as i...

imagine His image

{every time i walk home...i think this. i go from watching the ground to watching the sky. i'm so aware of His presence wherever i am...wherever i walk...and i try to remain aware and considerate of everything around me. i can't imagine walking obliviously along without thought to my Maker. it's unthinkable. this poem is part ode, poem, and random thought. i finally obeyed Him and wrote this.}

God bless you...

where?

where?
where in my resume,
does it vaguely say...
"say what you will to me...
like a woman with no will to be..."
where?
where, in all of the time
you've spent eying my timeline...
did it refer to me as a thin dime?
i'm priceless...
if i were weighed,
appraised
and dollar-ed...
the amount would be astronomical,
and therefore,
you couldn't afford to be my whore...
what i bring to the table,
can't be consumed with a lick
a swallow
a taste or sniff...
it's a full-course meal
that feeds and replenishes...
you liked me for a reason...
you were attracted to my class,
so never whittle me down to ass...
never assume my
sweetly placed
acquiescence is a free pass
to be crass
so where?
no...
WHEN...did you forget me?
when did you begin thinking
that my nighttime low and slow
[a gift to you]
gave reason to approach me like a ho?
the talk you desire,
requires one of two things
one,
i've given you a key to my lock box
with permission to enter with no signs for stop...
or,
you've been crowned king to my kween
and we're officially on the same team...
learn me, honey...
before placing me in the fold
for if you paid heed closely with intent,
you'd know i stand beyond the crowd
gleaming like gold
i'm not even bent,
just giving you a tip
for whenever,
IF ever...
i let you close enough to it
you will have come into riches
with peace and little resistance
to a woman who will never tolerate
being dumbed down to a simple place to rotate...
figure out where?
where you misread
where did i mislead?
...because i don't think
ANYWHERE
on MY resume it says...
lose your mind then proceed!

don't wonder

i know, boo...
you wonder why,
i,
the seemingly shy...i
can still keep him,
drooling my name,
fantasizing in vain...
feigning disdain for me
as he seethes,
"fuck her"...
yet still he grieves...
in heaves
and he can't
throw up and out
the feeling of me
throughout
deep in his gut...
you're like,
WHAT
the fuck...is it about HER?
there's never
ONE
thing, that's got him trippin'...
it's the whole package
from convo
to finger dippin'
from kisses
he can't forget
to the love
that slipped through his net
it's the way
his dreams
came true with my smile,
and how he felt like a king
with just a simple dial...
you don't get it
...it's not meant for you to
and that's your issue
squeezing in between
what's dynamically meant for two
and still being clueless,
because
though i'm gone
he's still not full off of you
you wonder to yourself...
how a "prude"
could dig deep and through
and be in places
he'll never show you
but again,
you're focusing
on shit that has NOTHING
to do with you...
but,
if you really want to know
how it is
i still fit...
as if i were still there
how i still resonate
and he still cares
if you want to know why...
really...just what it is?
let me tell you
get this..
i sucked his mental dick,
i swallowed his thoughts of me
then,
gave him a soul kiss
letting him taste his preconceived ideas of me
off my lips
and in that moment,
he said,
this
chick
IS...IT!
he felt snug
sitting up against my soul
and in that moment,
he felt whole
deeply into my heart's mouth,
i took him
as his love's tank filled to the brim
and with me
he felt free
...so,
when i walked away
my sensuous sway fading fast...
his heart broke
more than he can ever get past
so don't dare to presume,
that you know what we had
you'll never truly know
so just rest your mind on this
don't ever wonder
that it's me he'll always miss...

desperado jones

ms. jones
you look thirsty...
would you care for a libation?
a lemon wedge of respect...
a lump of sugared self-love?
looks like you've been gallavanting
through the arid climate of need
choking off the desperation
of dried tumbleweeds
traipsing sack to back
holding ALL of his slack
taking two steps for him
while he takes five steps back...
my my...ms. jones,
your eyes look weary
blinded, puffy and teary
from the fear
that, your grip will slip
and off with the next he'll dip...
clarity far off and away
like an oasis of promised days
marriage,
the kids,
the home,
the hope that his words
are his bond
and your bond
with him
is sound...
*pats seat*
...sit, ms. jones...
drink up this tea
while i reveal he to thee...
your trek
is solo,
what's in your hump?
is all there is...
you will NOT be replenished!
the insecurity will NOT be diminished!
you will ALWAYS long for his core...
for more of him to explore
his words will always feel like heaven
beating up against the pain
the doubt
the memories you dwell in
you longing for
true consummation
needing to know
that you own the keys
to his deeply hidden needs
instead of leaving tracks
in sand
traversing through
the barren land of his, "I love you"
to find that he'll never concede...
ms. desperado jones...
if only you knew
that your
cocky assuredness
that you are the sole recipient
of his evaporating affections
was mere uneasiness
displayed to mask weakness
honey...
drink this...
take this soul concoction i'm serving
drink it slow,
so as not to burn your tongue...
and learn a thing or two about you...
and your desire to chase the ever elusive one...
stop this...
misguided trip
this quest to be his best...
when he's holding someone else close to his chest...
(you know that's always the story, right?)
you're chasing him...
he's chasing her...
no one's chasing you...
if i were you babygirl...
the moment i returned from this trip around the world...
my first order of biz?
...a name change.

gimme that...

give ME the dick,
i'll show you what to do what that shit...
nah,
i ain't gonna just "hit" that...
i'm not just gonna "mack" that...
i'm not just gonna TALK about that...
it's gonna be real baby
if i had your dick...
i wouldn't just wave my wand
i'd consider the power in my sword
before sheathing it within a woman's folds
i'd give her the truth...
my love would BE the truth
i wouldn't have to lie to kick it
or play to stick it...
my ego wouldn't get hard off
her tears
and her pleas
it would give me dis~ease
to see my actions bring about
emotional torrential pours
and feeling like the pimp to her love's whore...
no, sir...
i wouldn't misuse my dick
to piss on a "ms. right now"
and then turn to become
the very saltiness,
i speak her to be
when the love i finally let in
scorched me with the rays of my own sun
the love i beamed down
but got let down
left to prune and shrivel
on love's vine...
and left me needing a place to hide
my shrunken pride...
no, not me...
if i had your dick,
i wouldn't relish in the control
and the knowing that my godly nod
will bring a woman to her knees
and that i could slip and slide
like it was made for me
and then dip and dodge
when it's convenient to leave...
as i walk away
and she curls up in heaves...
hell no, man...
gimme...that...dick!!!
be a man...
be MY man...
the man...men are supposed to raise
but women end up rearing
when he's almost too old for steering...
be the family man
whether there are kids or not
i'm on top of EVERYTHING we got!
i'd step up like a father should...
love mama like only daddy could...
be that one with the check waving like
"pay the bills, boo"
i got you
the little ones, too...
MAN...
where are the MEN...
why can i count the good ones on one hand...
and a closed palm,
give or take 2 fingers for peace?
why?
why are there no soldiers...
who war for love
suited in the arms of her
and the shield of her...
why are there no men
willing to fight for the way to love
the rights to her left hand?
DAMN!!!!
i'll take ya dick...
show you how to work this...
matter of fact,
gimme your balls, too
so i can stand up
adjust
and thrust my BACK into it...
to HELL with them easy tricks
*flick*
never scared to put in work
with the one who isn't gonna just
roll over
play dead
do "whatever i like"
because after i've gotten what i wanted
truth be told...
what else is there to learn?
what else is there to earn?
how can i grow,
when i'm given the keys
and there's only one door to open...
how can i swing proudly
with life between my thighs
and be afraid to hold my head high
in the depth of love?
speak up, bro!
let that sista know!
or maybe your sac swings TOO low?
yea,
give ME the dick...
and watch what i do with it.

no words

I wrote this today in an email to one of my SiStars who seemed to be having a hard time. I had JUST reported to another friend how I'd been virtually uninspired for over 3mos...and needed to get back on. For this poem to unfold so spontaneously and bring understanding to someone in emotional need...was just perfection.




silence from you lover, 
is like obscenities yelled evilly at my ear
the harsh winds
of your bated breath
from stifled words
cause blemish
to my sensibilities
resistance,
to extend your soul out to me
is like a short hit to my heart
i seize in shock
and fall from hurt feelings
fall from the foundation
no longer holding me up
if you spoke
thunk of the simplest insult
even an exhausted sigh,
i might
not feel like...
our love has died
i might
not feel like
this is bye
if your mouth
parted,
with space for words to wander
over the fullness of your lips
that i love to kiss
and touch the tip
of your tongue
that i long to suck
that it just might not suck
that you're silenced...
oh, love...
how i wish you'd
cuss me
fuss me
touch me with
disgust for me
rather than cringe
and recoil
from the sight of me
the idea
that maybe,
you love me more
than this silence you've
pledged yourself to...
my ears are
ringing
with the shit i'd
rather
you say
than the closing of your heart
or the shortness of your compassion
or the limited concern for my cry...
i,
feel like,
why?
what have i done,
SO badly...
what crime have i
committed
other than kneeling in submission
to the love that beckons praising
with my adoration
adulation
and hips' gyrations...
what have i done
other than
nod yes
when my ego and pride
yelled no
and lay bare
when my "self"
warned me to don layers
for my preservation
is that my crime?
or is my crime...
milking the man in you
that would rather roam
and giving you thoughts
of one home
procuring for you
asylum from the things
that cause you to mask your
true heart
it's desires
the fears
and failures...
[sigh]
love...
your silence
has brought me to
this soliloquy of
frustrated and flurried
thoughts
all because
rather than speak your
pain
you inflict silence onto
mine...
and it hurts.