the porch of mr. and mrs. love

[welcome to 143 happy court]

~a colorful, vibrant row of flora dot the stoned path to a covered haven~

i see us
sitting in one of those swings for two
laughing at the passing folks
loving them all the while
sipping on spiked lemonade

feet  propped on each other
swept up in the whispered creak
of our own slow rocking
a golden blaze in the background
giving off
shaded shadows
of hanging plants
fence slats
and morphing topiary
growing and shrinking,
telling the time of day
door open...
screen closed...keeping out the flies
music playing in the house
just loud enough for us to hear
maybe we'll catch a groove
and a spontaneous two step
until our aches sat us down
laughing at the reality
that we don't got it like we used to...
well, you don't...lol
i see us dissecting the daily news
you wanting the political and editorial pages
passing me the comics, lifestyle and entertainment
you giving me that,
"you need to keep up with the world" look
as i laugh that you just don't give up
we split the crossword, though
cracking jokes in between
'cause
we don't have the sense God gave a squirrel
i see us feeding strays...
pets AND people
doling out spiritual affection
while slicing freshly baked confections...
we're those old timers...
that everyone stops in our gate to talk to...
"hey mr. and mrs. love"
they think we're cute...
and we are
{smiles and winks}
we go back and forth
trading town news
family pride,
offering glasses of whatever's cold
them,
getting a dose of love from "the loves"
feeling a little closer to the future of happiness
just because of us and the constant we are...
counting on us to be right where we are
we care for our garden...
i water
you till
i plant
you weed
we harvest...vases of gorgeous blooms
at the center table in our home
we share the sun's awakenings
the dozing of the day
the sparkled cover of the night
all on the porch
sharing sunset days
thinking back
on the dreams we once shared
that have come true
or changed with time
loving the breezy feeling of this love
carried on the air around this home
caring little of else
except
being right where we are...
sitting on the porch...
mr. and mrs. love

dear love...a letter to the "him" that is mine.

As promised to my SiStar, Caprice (author of Starr's Sanctuary), I re-penned my love letter to my love...whoever he is. She wrote one to hers and I mentioned I had written one a while ago. I had one in a journal...and though at the time it seemed like the words I'd use...time has passed. My soul has burgeoned past older lines like bleeding acrylics on canvas. What I wanted then...is a little different (but not much) than what I want now...here it is:




sweetest love,


i think of you all the time. when i see lovers, i see us. when i see babies...i see ours. i think of the man who won't ever need prompting to love me. the man who will never need to be reminded that i am his and he, mine. we will love, laugh, live, teach, learn, cry, sleep, dream, be...in tandem. no "mine" or "yours" just OUR...us...we...mr. and mrs. wonderful ;)


i know that you will understand my most sensitive needs...and never make me feel criminal for being so. i know you will remember all of the things i tell you...and present them to me in surprises. i know you will feel my heart beating...even when we're in separate spaces. i know you will sense my despair...and throw on your lover's cape, swoop in...and love me back to my glory. you'll never see my weaknesses as weaknesses...just moments where a little more lovin' is required. you'll know, like i know...that there is never a moment when we no longer need to "prove" our love to each other...because the desire to show love will be a joy. you will know me...like no other.


for all that you are to me...i will be to you what shine is to sun. you will have a rib AND a spine in me. your dreams will be as important to me as they are to you...because i'll know that when YOU'RE happy...so am i. you will know that, even though i CAN assemble a piece of furniture...i'll let you get bragging rights *lol*. i will give you all of me...knowing that you'll relish in the ownership. i'll be letting all within sniffing range know...who daddy is. in turn...i will never have to be concerned about others...for my name is written in flames of love afire...right across your being. a picture of you and i will be a prized possession of yours. just as well...the love planted deeply inside of me will be as obvious as 9 months of pregnancy.


give me you and i'll give you me...i want the good, bad, ugly, indifferent, the shit and the blossoms. i want to be your BEST friend. don't hide from me. lay naked for me, trusting me with your vulnerability. we'll be enough for each other...needing no one else to confide in or lean on. let's be a force. a power of love unparalleled. let's be...the couple lovers love and haters hate. let's be the ones that bring love back...fuck sexy (even though we'll make that over, too)


um, i snore...i can be a tad OCD. i like cuddling, but i need my space. i love the food network (let's get 2 tv's), i want a cat named Wasabi (don't forget to bring home the allergy meds). i'm not "scared" of spiders...but they unnerve me. i AM scared of snakes (not yours, lol). i'm silly as FUCK...but, you'll love it. i'm a word whore...so be prepared to play scrabble...and get pummeled. hehe. i need sheets over me...even in the hot ass summer...so no blanket hogging. i like to kiss your chin, so don't deny me...i AM gonna eat your neck. i will enjoy just you sitting between my legs as i "sky write" across your back.


i want to go places, experience things, places...life...with you. show me what i've never seen...teach me what i didn't know i needed to know. teach me you...let's love, baby. always...


love, the pet name only you call me :)

i ain't beat

i ain't beat

not even bruised

i'm cool as shit

like

breezes searching through strands of hair

bouncing on strong shoulders

i got SUN shine, baby...

beaming for me

making them baby browns

lighten with sparks that smile

turning my 5'4

[5'5 on a good day]

into Amazon statures

causing my limbs

to lengthen in stride

allowing me to glide

stepping on and over

whatever dares to tumble me down

eyes catching my shadows

gentlemanly nods

damn girls

and yes ma'ams

in interested glimpses of

a vision of womanly guile...

yes, indeedy...i got enough to feed the needy

i ain't beat, no sir...

butterflies trail me

flowers bending at my path

the kween is...

well, i just AM

and i am glorious!

love still swirls in me

my world still turns

dreams still exist

my heart still pumps sweet life

i ain't beat...

i ain't beat by

the aches of disappointment

the failed attempts

the folks that THINK they know

because someone TOLD em so...

the dissipating bonds

the feeling that there's no one left

to rely on

the tears that fall

and the yearnings that call

none of it

is fit

to beat me!

but of course...

i'm sure,

that there are those

who may feel strongly

that their words,

ways,

reasons and treasons

took me out

and didn't count on

my backbone

to hold me up through the trip ups...

i'm sure that those

who know good and damn well

that the stories they sell

are not worth enough

and

can never stand alone against the truest me...

they may pray that i lay still

immobilized by their wills

thinking i'm affected by backs turned

deflected points

projected guilts

and lies on stilts

not knowing that

i ain't beat...

i've got SUN shine, baby...

a solar star's energy

aflame within

bringing love

typifying pulchritude

and a kween's attitude...

standing on a square

crown still intact

hell nah...

i ain't beat,

why should i be?

no poem

I don't have a poem...


This isn't poetry...this is "heart stuff" and I figured...since this blog is entitled "Words on Wings", I have hope that these words will take flight and touch the intended.


2010 burst in with promise...shining brightly, like a new coin, it held potential for new things. I didn't toast my way into it...nor did I party or watch a crystalline sphere drop while shaking from record cold. Nope...I stayed my hiney home.  I said that this year would be about ME. That I'd not selfishly...but with self-preservation...give myself this year to do what was best for me. To show others how it was to be done...


Woe to the fool who dares to pen a plan in God's day planner. My penciled strokes were stricken through. God's chuckle, could be heard in reverberations within me as I was scolded with a gentle patting on the head. It's akin to a parent shaking their head while watching their child attempt a feat foolishly.


My year began with an attempt to loosen the hold of a love. My newborn year had been spanked and cries were bellowed, but I caught my breath. (not for long) 


Through that, I began to wonder at how I'd make it without my friend...but it was taking it's toll. Then...the loss of three friends. No...no one died...but friendships ended in an abrupt smack. Misunderstandings allowed to fester into prideful stances of nonsense. When I thought it couldn't get any worse...


Josephine Gunn...my father's mother...my lovely grand-kween...left me. 


At 81...her body gave way to exhaustion and with as much unselfishness as I could muster...I said, bye. My heart didn't break...it melted. Imagine if your heart actually DID indeed dissolve instantly. Your body would seize most likely, and you'd drop like sandbags. I didn't drop...but, i felt like I could. The only thing that kept me from truly breaking down...was worrying for my dad's emotional state. Waiting for him to lose it...or just cry...was enough to make me stress myself into sleepless nights. I have great friends...regardless of the ones that willingly walked off. I had people come and support me and show me that love doesn't need to be in your face daily...just wrapped around you timely.


Yet...I ended up reaching out to the love I'd tried to let go...and he responded. He's definitely been a help to me...that I cannot deny. There are people, who in spite of locale or life circumstance...just bring peace to your spirit...


Yet, what is weighing on us...is a stillness of intentions. That is all I will say on that.


Well...if it wasn't enough to be in longing for closure and/or consummation...life again brandished the finiteness of time. A sista-friend, Tracey...lost her husband, Darryl yesterday morning in a motorcycle accident. At the news of this loss...I burst into tears. Everything, sitting so close to the surface of an already swelling pool of emotion...overflowed. I keep shaking my head "no". No to this tragedy. No to the fact that Tracey and her husband hadn't been married for even 6 months. No to the fact that she's quite possibly inconsolable. No to how unfair it is for a couple making it work to have time snatched away...and for those squandering time to be given it in surplus. No to it all.


~sigh~


Yet, I know it is not mine to understand. It isn't my plan to execute. It isn't my place to question. I'm human though, so that means this pain goes over my crown of understanding. So, I leave this prayer:






I pray, Lord...that You wrap Tracey into an embrace of comfort and consolation. That You bring peace to her spirit and give her as much love and support as she needs. I ask, Lord that You give her the ability to receive all of the prayers and positive thoughts sent her way allowing for a strengthening in this time...and bless her with the knowledge that she IS loved and cared for.


I love you, Tracey. Rest in peace Darryl...

Amen

inactive love

inactive love...
similar to a volcano
sitting dormant
burning...
simmering...
seething...
breathing heat
and doing nothing
pretending to spout
threatening to erupt
but, nothing...
causing the earth around it to blister
noxious gas
killing all things living
steaming off full pools of water
drying out watering holes
and tear ducts
nothing left
but this "volcano"
big and strong
built on eons of
festering energy
stored up passion for air
made of all the things a volcano embodies
but doing nothing...
just a mountain
that used to be a mole hill
inactive...
lying...
dormant...
stagnant...
promise of a catastrophic event
able to level off all surrounding fauna
entities and beings
able to,
mow down all things within reach
of it's base
able to claim it's earth
with molten fires of possession
but wont...
it's just..."there"
dormant
asleep
cascading above
towering sinisterly
threatening to remind the tender earth
that it belongs to it's fervent fires
making it feel
seem
act
like a connective thing
a duo of power
but knows
the weak "volcano"
is afraid...
afraid to burst over
in display
showing the world
what the earth does for it
how, because of the earth
it can spew love
in full show
allowing all to see
who owns it's core
and THAT...
scares a mountain
SHITLESS
so there it sits...
inactive...
dormant...
doing nothing...
the power to consume
and meld the earth to it
joining them forever....
yet accepting quiet
sitting on
banking on 
inactive love
forever...