short ode to hesitation

i've started and stopped
began and paused
found the words
and misplaced them
with my peace of mind...
i still can't find...
i'm sure it's not
for lack of content
that my post box is...empty
if for no other reason
then the potential backlash
from potential wounded hearts
and suffering egos at stake...
so,
i backspace
erase
strike through
deliberate frustrations
forsaken in fear of indignation
folks in their feelings
about feeling like
my words are like...
expressly for them
so,
i virtually crumple and toss
out perfectly good thoughts
overwrought with fret
about
who is
watching...
reading...
microscopically
breaking it all down
::eye roll::
i suppose
when i consider penning my heart
and begin to compose
that i should consider ME
and be okay
with the melee that may
spill over
so,
i started with this...
and perhaps i won't stop
until it's all free
and my burdens are lifted
blown lightly
adrift...
yet, i still...hesitate

poetic effect

i write
i read
i live
i love...poetry
when i write...
i like to nuzzle inside of my work
shouldering up
and in between the meaning
and the depth
when i'm reading one
i want to nestle
between the innuendo
and the nuances
the pulse
and the flow
i want to get it
even if i've never gotten it
if it's never touched me before
i want it to pat me down
and steal a caress off my heart
i want to get that ::thump::
in my chest
that shortens my breath
and releases my tears
gives me pause for thought...
a cause to ponder...
i want to be
chin deep inside of the poetic swim
saturated in the intent
of the scriber's pen
for me...
poetry,
is like an immersion into the soul
it's the universal meeting place
for what's common between us
unbeknowest to us...
when i write...
i write to the beat of my heart
i am ever present within every point
space
word
ellipse
serif
stroke
and on each side
of every double entendre...
i am in every inked path
of every cursive line
every dotted "i"
and crossed "t"
when i read
i want to be the gist
i want to be the expression
i want to be the scene defined
the emotions red and raw
gaping and throbbing
i want to read
as i write
and fall in love
over and again

i want to finish
changed
affected by the poetic effect...
loved on by the the syllabic staccato
the perfect pitch of
the moments created
in instant imagery
i want to feel it
i want to be it
i need to be poetry...in effect.

love's sea

love said to me...
"follow me...
into the abyss,
plunge willingly into me...
trust me..." love said
love lured me
with a crooked finger 
and a knowing wink
then love said...
"i know you cannot swim...
but place your lips upon mine...
and i shall breathe for you"
love lifted me by my pits 
in the liquid swish
and carried me
weightlessly
with it
love said,
"i love you...
so come be free, 
stay and be
a wave in my sea"
i looked upon love
with eyes wet...
but perhaps
in the abyssal mess
love could not tell
why my eyes did swell
...and perhaps
with my eyes 
seeing nothing
but love
i spoke not
but embraced love 
with a hug
and love could not see
that i was struggling to breathe
...that the water in my eyes
was not from love's sea
but the asphyxiation
from love's clench
which caused my heart to wrench
i wiggled free
successfully, 
asking love,
"please release me...
let me float
alongside thee...
not encumbered
by the pressure of 
relying on you solely...
so deep, i cant see"
love assented,
relenting it's hold on me
love said,
"be WITH me...
willingly...
along side me"
and together
we paddled 
above the abyss
and below the surface's kiss
where light lives
luminously
giving way to a tandem wade
in love's sparkling sea...

grand beauty

she loved beautiful...
beautiful scents,
people with beauty apparent...
hats she wore with regalness
proudly donned for God's house...
[i wonder how big her hat collection is in His kingdom] 
she loved her family...
beautiful to her...
even in it's dysfunction
her lineage was golden
and cherished as such
we came from beauty...
so,
she HAD to have been born
on a beautiful day
sprung forth
in a ceremonial way
canaries chirping
a beautiful serenade
the epitome of sophisticated taste
style she was born with
class not taught or for trade
so beautiful...
that even in her passing
her love has stayed
she loved beautiful...
the scent
the life
the way...
even the day,
we put her away...
was uncharacteristically beautiful...
spring nudging winter
for the honor of shining light
on the beauty of her
one last time in this earthly place
for where she lay...eternally
is a beauty she'll always display
directly under a perfect tree's shade
she loved...
her beautiful babies
and their babies
and she loved
my maybe babies...
the ones she knew
would look like the her in me
and be part of a line
of beautiful and fine...
MY grandmother loved...
and we loved
and STILL love her...
beautifully

beautiful evil~throwback 2007

her sashay casts a spell

...makes hearts palpitate

she lures with a crooked finger and a naughty wink

her lips part to sing words into the ether

landing on the inner ear of the opposite sex 

like the spark of a wand

her brew is a mix of love and kink

a handful of heat

with a dash of purr

and smidgen of mmmmm

she smells like heaven...

addictive as hell

her smile could be your sunrise

or your nightly demise

killing you softly til morn

when she awakes you with her siren's horn

milking your mind, body and soul

as you lie still 

giving in freely, yet against your will

ecstasy in your eyes

tells your heart's content

not evil in intentions...

just scary how she holds you

your attention...

your thoughts...

your body's stimuli

her laugh makes your body respond

the thought of her makes you orgasmic

her words sound like heaven's harps

and sinister music all at the same time

she's not bad

just a bad bitch

with that mmmmmm you come running for

that purr that comes from her pleasure

and her kiss...

well, lets just say

you will be hers

eternally...that is

no matter where you go

she cant be denied 

that beautiful evil 

...the sin being

not being able to have her

or leave her alone